The book touches very subtly on themes such as conformity and prejudice, culture and women's life and more broadly on the idea of what makes a home.
I first picked up the book expecting something generic but was surprised to find I could relate to some of the themes within the book, which were all presented with beautiful piccies.
'"Can you really drive a car?" he asked, looking at her application. "I've never seen a woman drive".
Masako, Allen Say's Mum, is a strong minded young woman who grew up in California but then must move to Japan with her homesick Japanese parents. In Japan, Masako struggles to adapt to a culture very different to the one she grew up in. Masako feels isolated and is called a Gaijin (a Foreigner) by small children who laugh at her.
As the book was written many decades ago, it is a time when women tend to take more passive positions or no positions at all in Japanese career life. Masako is expected to accept an arranged marriage chosen by her parents, to wear a traditional Japanese Kimono and to sit until her legs become numb like "a proper Japanese lady". However, Masako takes a risk and runs away to Osaka.
As Masako begins to adjust to life in Japan in Osaka and to feel at home despite wearing a Kimono and being immersed in Japanese culture, she shows how it is okay to be who you are.
The moral of the story is to not be defined by one culture or country and to find benefits in both like tea with milk and sugar.
Below:
Picture #1 Proper, Picture #2 Relaxed, Picture #3 Uber Relaxed.
I can relate to Masako's journey and her experience of feeling pressure from others' to behave in certain culturally relevant ways. In Japan, sometimes I would feel like an Outsider and was usually labelled a 'Halfu' or 'Gaijin'. Sometimes ignorant people would say some unkind things too. In Tea Ceremony Class I was also expected to sit in the 'Proper' position and after class my numb legs would buckle beneath me. One of my Host Families even talked about a man who might be a suitable husband for me ~ someone who I'd never met before.
On the other hand, unlike with Masako, for me, teenagers were a lot kinder and more open to being friends despite our differences. I could usually eat with Relaxed legs at home and I assume that the majority of women can drive in Japan. After reading 'Tea with Milk' I can reflect on how the times have changed since Masako's youth.
